Guest Post: My Mormon Perspective: before the altar

the sacrament

 by Curtis Penfold

jesus bled water

or so i hear

(i’m not sure—i wasn’t there)

 

i think of this

as i place the cloth over the water and bread

remembering remembering that he is dead

he is dead

 

the water splashes   gashes

gashes   splashes

 

todd shot himself during the sacrament

or so i hear
(i’m not sure—i wasn’t there)

 

as we drank his blood he drank his blood

i kneel before the altar

feeling hurt feeling hurt

 

oh god
the eternal father
we ask thee
in the name of thy son
jesus christ
to bless and sanctify...

why? why did he have to die? why?

 

i do not stutter
i never stutter
as i kneel before the altar
before the altar

 

i simply pause as if in thought
as i’ve done quite a lot   quite a lot

 

i think of jesus
under this cloth...
i think of todd in his coffin
 

are they together in heaven?

singing and dancing in heaven in heaven
 

when we sing oh lovely sacrament

do they play techno?
is that the way that heaven roles?

 

jesus is the only way
while todd is the only d.j.
and flights of angels sing
oonce.   oonce.   oonce.   oonce.
things are as they should be

i do not stutter

i never stutter
as i kneel before the altar
before the altar

 

i say the prayer

(amen)

and lift the bloodstained cloth

and pass the flesh to the deacons
thinking of todd in his coffin
dancing in heaven in heaven dancing
 

why did jesus weep?

he wept for lazorous—
death to bend for one dead friend
 

oh but don’t you know?

a billion deaths

a billion deaths
but one means so much more
(amen)  (amen)  (amen) 
  (amen)
but one means so much more

This is in memory of every person who felt that anything, even death, was better than the life they were living.

This is a challenge to everyone to pay closer attention, and make life worth living, for everyone around you, including yourself!

(Julia's note: We live in a world where it would be difficult to find someone who has not been touched by suicide. While people choose to take their lives for many reasons, we know that a disproportionately high number of people who commit suicide are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, or identify in some way that is not "straight male, born male" or "straight female, born female."

Before you decide that you are better than someone else because you were born as a woman attracted to men, or a man attracted to women, in a body whose genitalia matches your "true self," please take an hour, to think about what it would be like if just one of those things was different about you. 

• What if you were attracted only to members of your own sex? 
• What is your genitalia felt wrong and like it wasn't part of you? 
• What if you weren't sure what you are sexually, but you know that it isn't a single gender attracted to the opposite gender? 
• What if your sexuality didn't conform to any definitions in the dictionary? 
• What would you do, if that was you? 
• How would you want to be treated?

There are as many reasons for suicide as there are people who make that choice, but the answers to reducing the number of people who make that choice. Whether the choice comes because of bullying, struggling with sexuality, mental illness, financial stressors, or a loss of hope, there are things that all of us can do, and they are actually pretty simple. 

OPEN YOUR EYES! (This is not just your physical eyes, but your emotional ones too.  Pay attention to what you see, instead of always being preoccupied with yourself.)

Look around.  See someone lonely, or in pain, or being teased or bullied? If you don't know them, go introduce yourself. If you do know them, go get them, and find something, anything to do, so they know you care.  If you don't know what to do, or you are afraid they need more help than you can give them, ask for that help.  A school counselor, crisis hotline, even the police, are all there to help.  If you are worried about getting in trouble or having your friend be mad, trust me, mad is better than not there any more. 

And, if you are currently someone who is bullying, ignoring or putting someone down. Stop it!

Everyone who is grieving right now for a loved one that they lost, would be forever grateful if you had noticed, and taken the time to look, notice and love that person that is gone.  Don't miss your chance.  Go on, get busy saving lives!)

 

 

 

Curtis serving a mission for His Father and Mother In Heaven

Curtis Penfold is a Pre-Communications student at BYU who wants to become a journalist. Originally from Springfield, IL, his family moved to Idaho Falls, ID while he was on his mission in Chile, Rancagua. He returned from his mission August 2012.